I didn’t literally kill someone, but I did kill something, and that was my parent’s marriage. Now my mom has cancer. I look after her but she wishes she was together again with my dad. I just feel like I don’t deserve to be happy. When I am happy it just feels wrong. I have mentioned this to therapists but every time it feels like they don’t know the circumstances as well as I do, or they’re just there to fake validate me.

To me all it means is I was born bad. Most six year olds didn’t do what I did, and what I did is still affecting other people right now.