• sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works
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    4 hours ago

    I agree with pretty much everything you said.

    One issue I have is that people absolutely do claim neurodivergence when they’re not neurodivergent, much like how people claim to be LGBT without actually being LGBT. An unfortunately large subset of the population wants to belong to something, and the more niche that something is, the better, especially if it gets sympathy.

    I’m not saying this is happening for stimming specifically, but I’ve seen a lot of people claim to be “on the spectrum” without actually being tested or even manifesting anything commonly understood to be a symptom. It cheapens what it means to be neurodivergent, and throws actual neurodivergent people even more into the spotlight. Many of those people aren’t autistic, they’re just socially anxious, introverted, or something else that makes social interaction uncomfortable, and they use it as an excuse to plead for sympathy.

    Acceptance is cool, appropriation is not. Unfortunately, calling people out on their BS often drags in innocent people who actually have the condition, so I always assume people are being truthful until proven otherwise. It’s dumb, and I wish people would stop it, but I think the existence of fakes largely leads to this issue.

    • LadyAutumn@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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      4 hours ago

      I said this in another comment, but it is not possible to know who is and isn’t faking it. You can’t diagnose someone over the internet. You just can’t. A proper assessment is done in a clinical setting over a period of time. If we normalize questioning the diagnosis of others inevitably a sizable amount of people accused of faking it will genuinely be neurodivergent. Same goes with being queer. It benefits no one to allow others to decide if someone is gay or trans or not. All that it does is normalize the idea that it’s acceptable or permissible for other people to decide who you are for you.

      I resolutely oppose any efforts to label others as faking a disorder. Genuinely. I do not believe in the “watering down the meaning” theory and believe that ableism/queerphobia comes explicitly from hatred and disgust, not from any experiences with real or fake neurodivergent/queer people. Far, far more harm is done by gatekeeping our community.

      You remember that guy who pretended to be a trans woman a while ago? Like had socials and did this whole thing for months? If he came out as trans again today I have no reason not to accept him. So what if he is faking? If he exhibits predatory behavior then he should be excluded by those behaviors. I have no reason to question his identity though. It doesn’t benefit me or my community in any way to treat gender as anything other than what someone self identifies.

      Much the same with neurodivergency. Unironically millions of neurodivergent people, predominantly women, have never gotten any help whatsoever for their neurodivergency because they have been systematically gatekept from getting a diagnosis by others who do not believe them. It benefits no one to normalize gatekeeping.

      • sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works
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        4 hours ago

        If we normalize questioning the diagnosis of others inevitably a sizable amount of people accused of faking it will genuinely be neurodivergent. Same goes with being queer.

        100% agreed. A bit of tolerance goes a long way, and the downsides are minuscule.

        My point is that it happens, not that we should do anything about it as a society. Hence my final paragraph:

        Unfortunately, calling people out on their BS often drags in innocent people who actually have the condition, so I always assume people are being truthful until proven otherwise. It’s dumb, and I wish people would stop it, but I think the existence of fakes largely leads to this issue.

        We shouldn’t just cover our eyes and plug our ears and pretend it doesn’t happen, but instead openly acknowledge it and demonstrate that it’s not something worth trying to distinguish. I’m not saying you do this, but I’ve seen enough of it on Lemmy and elsewhere to feel like it’s a big enough problem to call out.

        I’m 99% sure I’m not neurodivergent, but I’ve never been tested and I definitely exhibit a lot of the behaviors that people who claim (w/o any testing or proof) to be neurodivergent exhibit. So I don’t consider myself neurodivergent, but I will occasionally suggest to people that what they call neurodivergence could instead be something else, like social anxiety or introversion. I don’t do it to minimize whatever condition they might have, but instead to try to point them in the right direction to hopefully get more appropriate help, should they see those behaviors as problematic. I’m also highly suspicious of a lot of the testing, since a lot of people expect a certain answer and will shop around until they get the diagnosis they want (also happens w/ medical conditions, not just psychological). But ultimately, whether they do or don’t fit a given group is largely irrelevant to me, so if they push back even slightly, I’ll shut up and accept it, because at the end of the day, acceptance tends to have better outcomes than actually solving whatever the problem is.

        At the end of the day, a little love goes a long way. Love and accept those around you, and give the best (appropriate) support you can.